Lenny's Dinner by Robert Earl Reed

Lenny's Dinner

by

Robert Earl Reed

The last beer from the cooler is always a bummer...Lenny eyeballed the dull colored mountains on the can .. Blue! .. they's sposed to be Blue! Except .. only when the beer is cold ..and this one was anything but cold .. The ice had melted in the cooler hours ago . ..Oh well Fuck IT .. Lenny thought .. I don't drink these damn things for the taste .. I drink them same as everyone else .. to get DRUNK … and any Assfuck that says they drink Beer for the taste is a Fucking Liar .. Lenny popped the top and the foam ushered forth .. Giving it a blow to clear the lukewarm head he took a long deep draw from the last of the last … The wind outside had picked up now and He could hear the old gate down by the barn starting to tune up its racket that it always made when the storms of spring came rumbling through “Tornado Alley” as the folks round those parts called it .. Lenny had grown up on that hill and the Twisters came and went like Friday the 13ths .. two to three a year .. though they never hit his place they shaved the corner a few times .. he chuckled and thought about how they always seemed to hit trailer parks.. I mean what the fuck was it about twisters and trailer parks anyhow? Did God hate white trash? Hell God hated him he was damn sure but somehow he'd been spared throughout the years . The warm beer gave him a warm glow in his bloated old stomach .. He flipped the switch on the weather radio and the static began to sing its high pitched monotone song .. every few minutes the blaring sound of beeps would precede a voice .. a stern mans voice that as far as he could remember was the same voice as when he was a kid .. It sounded like a robot yelling into a tin can .. “THIS IS A WARNING FROM THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE …. A TORNADO WATCH IS IN EFFECT IN THE FOLLOWING COUNTIES OF ARKANSAS … LINCOLN...PULASKI...MISS.............” Lenny turned his beer up .. He remembered that he had just a tiny smidgeon of weed in the back drawer of the Bureau .. He grabbed one of his empty cans and unsheathed his knife and blindly began to poke holes while he left the kitchen headed to the bedroom .. thank God for tin cans .. they made passable pipes .. He'd had a few dope head pipes but with having kids around back then he was always sneaking around and smoking out of them and well shit .. He didn't want the little yard apes finding Daddy's Dope Pipe so he'd hide it .. and hide it well .. so well that he rarely ever saw it again .. Usually he'd run up on one when he was on a chair putting in a light bulb and he might happen to look over at the top of a cabinet and there one would be .. all dusty and colorful … sometimes even with a dried up nugget or some resin that was still smokeable .. Lenny didn't smoke much reefer but when the beer ran low and his prescription of xanax was long gone it helped him navigate the dark hours until sleep … The weather radio squawked to life again and the man was hollering in his tin can as Lenny was drawing a long draw of smoke into his tar laden lungs from his aluminum can .. for some reason Lenny thought about the many uses for cans in that instant and chuckled … spewing smoke everywhere .Outside the wind had raised considerably and the wind chimes his long gone ex ole lady had hung on the front porch were giving it hell … Lenny caught a glance of himself in the Bureau Mirror .. DAMNNNNNNN He'd gotten to looking old .. since he quit shaving ...the beard covered his double chin he noticed .. hell .. that was a bright spot .. The weed now pushing around the alcohol in his brain.. his senses tuned up to see abstract ..heading back to the kitchen he hummed a few bars of “Bad Moon Rising “… He laughed softly and wondered what it was about pot and Creedence .. For Lenny they had always gone hand in hand .. .. Grabbing the now hot beer Lenny plopped his generously large ass down at the kitchen table .. once laden with plates of food ...yammering kids .. and Grace .. it now was littered with ash trays brimming with butts .. empty whiskey bottles .. a three quarter done cross word puzzle .. a pile of unopened Bills and........ a Chrome plated .357 Magnum … the later of which was the main course on Lenny's dinner plate .. The Storm was building .. not unlike the Storm called Lenny's life … A violent conglomeration of excess … egress … undress .. duress .. and wildness .. The windows now bowing in their panes from the tempest raging outside … Finally the rain had come and the cleansing of Mother Earths Sins was in full effect .. Lenny closed his eyes as he took the last of the last draw of hot beer from the can .. It ran down his throat like sugar water from a dime store on a hot summers day when he was a child .. BOOM! The Thunder Jolted the House and Lenny was shaken to his senses .. his artery clogged heart swelled in his chest and adrenaline coursed through his system .. the beer the weed and the adrenaline made quite the poor mans speed ball .. The Beeping on the Radio was incessant and The voice on the radio More Insistent .. “IF YOU ARE IN THE GOULD ARKANSAS AREA TAKE SHETLER IMMEDIAT ….....” …. Lenny tossed the beer can over his left shoulder … The .357 Gleamed in the dim light of the kitchen .. 6 chambers .. one bullet … Don't miss he thought .. It was the 27^th day of the month . The cupboards bare .. the white bread gone .. the smokes long gone … and his family … BEEN GONE … No More Beer .. No More Pills .. No More Reefer .. Just Lenny and his dinner … Lenny shook his head in disgust that life had come to this . Never in his wildest imagination would he have thought himself to be here at the brink …. again .. The house shook in the storm .. the cups rattled in the cabinets and the lights flickered on and off .. The lightning now pulverizing trees in the yard .. its flashes licking the ..357 .. like skeeters to a bug light .. the twinkles gleamed in the chrome … Lenny thought of the Boy .. now 15 and the Girl .. now 18 .. They would come to understand that sometimes life just fucking ended like this . They'd understand that you come here with nothing and you leave with nothing .. They'd learn that you rent life .. you don't own shit .. You don't eat you die .. you don't pay bills they cut your shit off .. you don't pay taxes they take your shit away .. you are indentured servant to the machine … until you break and then .. you are expendable … Lenny wept .. The Storm raged … Having sat in front of the .357 numerous times before Lenny was all too familiar with the feelings of guilt and despair that consume a person who is about to blow their brains out … The Radio now one continuous BEEP .. The VOICE in the TIN CAN .. giving warning after warning .. Motherfuckers were dying tonight .. and Lenny was staring into the abyss AGAIN ..
Lenny wept harder ...the rain in sheets .. pounded the roof .. Lenny thought of the rain .. he thought of the cleansing and he thought of one final act that he'd like to do before “eating his dinner” .. Pushing back from the table Lenny slowly arose and headed towards the bathroom .. In the shower Lenny turned the right knob to the right for hot water and left knob to the right for cold water .. Backwards water .. for Backwards Lenny he thought .. He climbed into the diminutive stall not bothering to close the shower curtain .. a wet floor was of little consequence anymore and let the hot water wash the tears from his face .. Eyes closed against the streams pouring from the shower head .. then he opened his eyes .. Darkness .. the power had finally succumbed to the storm and lights died a silent death .. as did the Voice on the Radio .. Now the only sounds were the Storm pillaging the night .. the water pouring forth from the shower head and the creaking of the house as the winds buffeted the structure with a mighty force … Lenny shook his head .. Not even his own actual suicide could be easy .. In all his life it had seemed that when he had finally made up his mind to do something .. that something would get completely fucked up .. and here yet again was a fuck up .. Lenny collapsed into the cramped floor of the shower pan .. Cross legged and cramped he hugged his knees to his distended belly and shook with anger .. In the now almost non stop lightning Lenny looked up into the streams of water falling from the shower head … He pondered gravity and how it pulled the liquid down … he puzzled at the shower head and noticed that several holes were clogged like the arteries in his heart .. just SOME of the water that could go through the pipes could escape .. He wondered if Houses had heart attacks from clogged pipes … In the distance a new sound came to Lenny's ear .. the sound of a thousand railroad trains eating their tracks .. the sounds of utter destruction .. an Legion of pissed off wind marching in circles destroying all within its path .. Lenny simply sat .. the now tepid water slapping his bald pate .. glancing down he glimpsed the lightning lit tip of his penis over his gut .. he wondered about all the places it had been .. or been in … and was it ever really worth the cost?
That old dick of his had led him astray so many times .. laughing he thought for an instant of just cutting the damn thing off in lieu of blowing his brains out .. but the damage was already done .. He guessed he should have probably done that long long ago .. perhaps things would be different .. Then …. The shower water turned cold as did Lenny's blood when the windows IMPLODED … shards of glass and wood splinters joined the sparse shower spray and the house got wadded up like one of the many suicide notes Lenny had penned in the past ….....


They found the biggest part of what was left of Lenny about a quarter mile from his house .. naked (some folks said the storm stripped him so) in a nest made of barbed wire .. kudzu .. and a shower curtain .. that night the tornado skipped all the trailer parks .. in fact it touched down in one place .. Lenny's place .. whereas in the past folks remembered that the storms would cut the corners on his home place .. this one found its sweet spot and like a buzz saw in a lumber mill it cut to the quick … right down the middle … they said ole Lenny never had a chance .. the house it was gone gone gone .. save for one peculiar curiosity .. Now most folks there in Gould Arkansas had heard the Urban Myths of Bibles and Crosses and Religious Artifacts being somehow miraculously spared in the wake of disastrous storms and damaging fires but on Lenny's hill was a site that just defied all logic … and was no “Urban Myth” .. there sitting on the slab of what was once Lenny's house was Lenny's Kitchen Table .. The chairs all gone and the table clear .. save for one place setting … at the HEAD of the table .. and there ...was a plate .. and dead center of the plate lay a chrome plated .357 Magnum with but a single chambered round in its cylinder ….served up like a last meal some said .. Served up like dinner …..